日常幽默生活句子简短英文(日常怼人的幽默句子)

1.
"I
put
my
phone
on
airplane
mode,
but
it
hasn't
started
flying
yet. "
】

2.
"I
asked
my
wife
what
she
wanted
for
her
birthday.
She
said
'nothing,'
so
I
got
her
a
shirt
that
says
'nothing'
on
it. "
】

3.
"I'm
not
lazy,
I'm
energy
efficient. "
】

4.
"I
always
feel
like
somebody's
watching
me,
then
I
remember
I
have
a
cat. "
】

5.
"I
tried
to
catch
some
fog
earlier,
but
I
mist. "
】

6.
"I
put
my
Fitbit
on
my
dog
and
now
it
looks
like
I
walked
10,000
steps
a
day. "
】

7.
"I
told
my
wife
she
was
drawing
her
eyebrows
too
high.
She
looked
surprised. "
】

8.
"I'm
not
arguing,
I'm
just
explaining
why
I'm
right. "
】

9.
"I
don't
always
have
a
sarcastic
comment,
but
when
I
do,
I
usually
keep
it
to
myself. "
】

10.
"I
told
my
wife
she
was
average,
but
she
was
meaner
than
I
expected. "
】

11.
"I
bought
some
shoes
from
a
drug
dealer.
I
don't
know
what
he
laced
them
with,
but
I've
been
tripping
all
day. "
】

1
2.
"I
don't
go
crazy,
I
am
crazy.
I
just
go
normal
from
time
to
time. "
】

1
3.
"I'm
not
sure
if
I'm
depressed
or
just
really,
really
lazy. "
】

1
4.
"I
have
a
photographic
memory.
Just
wish
I
had
film. "
】

1
5.
"I'm
not
arguing,
I'm
just
explaining
why
I'm
right. "
】

1
6.
"I
walked
past
a
store
that
said
'All-Sizes-Fits-One. '
Well,
that's
a
bit
of
a
lie,
isn't
it?"
】

1
7.
"I
think
my
guardian
angel
drinks. "
】

1
8.
"I
tried
to
be
normal
once.
Worst
two
minutes
of
my
life. "
】

1
9.
"I'm
not
procrastinating,
I'm
prioritizing
things
differently. "
】

20.
"I'm
not
short,
I'm
just
concentrated
awesome. "
】